X-Men the Last Stand (hopefully)

In a word. Cheap. There’s a lot to like to about X-Men: The Last Stand, but there are so many moments, so many stories, lines, choices that in the end just felt cheap. The third, and least intriguing film in the mutant oeuvre, is once again filled with entirely too many characters and has little time to service all, if not most of them. Cheap.

The central “villain” in this installment is not man nor mutant, but a “cure”; a treatment which will suppress the mutant gene and turn supermen into just men. There are mutants against the cure (“There’s nothing wrong with us,” Storm [Halle Berry] cries). There are mutants for the cure (well, at least one, Rogue [Anna Paquin], who just wants a hug). It could’ve been an interesting ethical dilemma if the film actually spent any time on it. Instead, it takes the cheap and easy way out, the bad guys gather to destroy the cure and the X-Men fight to stop them. Cheap. Cheap.

There’s a subplot, and it is quite, quite sub, that involves the resurrection of Jean Grey (Famke Janssen, whose character died at the end of the last film) as the Phoenix, an all-id version of Jean that is uncontrollable and all-powerful. The story this plot is based on is widely held as one of the greatest comic book stories ever told, so it’s disappointing that it is barely serviced here and that some of the choices around that storyline (like, the body count), while satisfying in a film context were wholly disappointing to my inner comic geek.

New cast additions like Ellen Page (who plays intangible teen Kitty Pryde), Vinnie Jones as the Juggernaut, and Ben Foster (the winged Angel) are a mixed bag. Page is a welcome addition and has some nice moments with her powers, but the few scenes where she becomes the spoiler in the Bobby/Rogue relationship are fairly pointless. Even more pointless is the addition of Foster, who really serves no purpose whatsoever, despite the promise from the intro that he will be a major player. I think he has maybe three lines in the entire movie. There’s a sequence at the end where the Juggernaut plows through walls chasing the ghostly Pryde which is one of the best CGI’d things in the whole film and all-around exciting, until it’s tagged with a joke that is so simple and easy that it just cheapens the whole thing. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap.

Berry finally gets a little more time in the spotlight (as much time as someone can get in a film that tries to service about seventeen major players) and she does reasonably well. This is probably the first time that I felt the film Storm was connected at all to the comic Storm. Hugh Jackman is always fun as Wolverine and he gets a nice battle sequence all to himself. Famke Janssen masters the art of standing around looking evil (or like she has some gastrointestinal issues, it’s hard to tell) but the effects surrounding her turn as the Phoenix are pretty intriguing. Ian McKellan’s Magneto goes from conflicted demagogue to mustache twirling bad guy fairly quickly. Anna Paquin’s Rogue is another blink and you’ll miss her character who is saddled with an important role (pro-cure mutant) but given nothing to support it (like, you know, a scene or two). Kelsey Grammer expertly captures the wise and jovial Beast, a nice addition (and the film snags a couple points for sneaking in his catch phrase “oh my stars and garters”).

A feeling of excitement and gravitas hangs over the entire film, I just couldn’t help wishing that it was in the hands of a better director, someone that could tackle some of the bigger issues it tries to float. Given that the comics always used mutants to parallel the oppressed in our society – African-Americans in the 60s and homosexuals more recently – groups that there isn’t a cure for, it’s a tad offensive that the movie doesn’t give the cure story the time it deserves. It’s also entirely cheap that people so against the cure in the first place, aren’t above resorting to it in the heat of the moment. I guess principles are just there when it’s convenient. Director Brett Ratner, who does well with the action sequences, just doesn’t have the depth to follow in the footsteps of Bryan Singer, who managed to pull off the impossible with the first two films – transferring the comics to film while pleasing both audiences and topping himself with the second installment.

All this being said, the film is well-paced and has some exciting moments that are beautiful to witness on screen. It’s a decent popcorn flick, but that’s a little beneath where I like my mutants. It’s kind of like Wolverine taking down an opponent with a swift kick to the crotch. It was funny, but a little cheap. C+

Now, onto the spoilers (big ones) and a little more details. Continue at your own peril.











Jean killing both Cyclops and Professor X, which I've known about for awhile was a little much. I think it played out decently, but Prof. X (a character I don't even care that much for) being taken down by Jean in a snit is just retarded. I'm less upset by the death of cyclops because he was the most miscast character in all of the films, but that's a pretty shitty way to send off one of your lead characters, an off-screen death that is never given a second thought.

I also think them using the cure on Magneto was completely disgusting and royally out of character. The X-Men are about the higher ground, the greater good and they would've found another way or they would've argued about it more. They wouldn't be opposed to this idea for months and use it in a moment of weakness. That's not them. These are SUPERheroes. They need to act like it.

It's such a little thing, but Kitty calling Juggernaut a "dickhead" also fell flat. It's an easy joke where Kitty, one of the most intelligent characters in the comics wouldn't lower herself that way. And as much as I loved Kitty (and the actress) I don't see what the point was of her and Bobby - to make Rogue jealous to get the cure? Rogue, in both films and comics was a little deeper than that.

And while I fully have no issue with Rogue getting cured herself - that is definitely a choice she would've made. Couldn't we have seen the struggle a bit more? Couldn't she have realized her friends needed her help and she was being selfish but taken a hit in the heat of battle or something? To sneak off, get cured off-screen and come back with little fanfare was a disservice to both character and actress. Personally, I would've loved if in the heat of the battle, Rogue showed up to help take down Magneto with her powers and support her friends and teammates only to get the cure after. It would've, again, fit in with that whole "superhero" thing.

Again, for all my snarking, there was some good things about the movie. Mostly, the display of powers and the FX surrounding them. Still, a disappoint in a lot of ways.